The Fable of Giving 100%
What if instead of trying to be more productive, you accepted, embraced, and worked within the limits of your own velocity?
Do you ever have one of those work days when you desperately want to get into the zone, but focus eludes you? I promise I’m not trying to sell you mushroom coffee. I’m genuinely asking.
I’m having one of those days, myself.
Yesterday was a travel day, which often throws me off balance. I spent the first half of the week in Stockholm attending a team-building event, where I finally met a team member I had managed for over two and a half years but had never seen in person. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but trips like that often mean long days, a lot of socialising, and even more decision-making. Not to mention hours spent in airports, immigration, and waiting for baggage.
As a director, I should be used to long days, socialising, travelling, and making decisions… and I am! Overall, I enjoy those things. I accepted this job for a reason.
But that doesn’t mean I’m immune to being affected by high-energy-output days. I’m a human, and an autistic human at that. I can’t give my whole self sixteen hours a day for too many days in a row. I will collapse.
At this point in my life, I’m keenly aware of my disability and my limitations...
…which means that I can schedule my life around them.
One of my biggest mistakes as a young creative was to go go go go go without any forward thought. I assumed that I was invincible, that I could deliver 20,000 words a day, or design four scenes, every single day, including weekends, for forever.
That was the expectation, and by golly, was I gonna exceed expectations like the high-achieving good girl I had always been!
When I started having issues overperforming consistently, I didn’t adjust my expectations… instead, I assumed that there was something inherently, unfixably wrong with me. So, I punished myself and pushed myself harder, wreaking absolute psychological (and eventually physiological) havoc. Any moment that I wasn’t succeeding fully, completely, all the time, high above expectations, whilst having everyone love me… devastated me. Utterly wrecked me.
I felt like I was failing. When in reality, my expectations were the problem. I had pushed myself beyond reasonable limits for so long that even the smallest tasks were starting to feel insurmountable. In short, I was becoming a depressed, unreliable arsehole.
It shouldn’t be shocking that I burnt out. I was in deep. It took me a long time to recover and readjust my expectations. I performed at a substandard level for far longer than I’d like to admit due to a melange of fears and anxieties clouding my ability to show up authentically— a veritable fruit bowl of nonsense beliefs and self-sabotage.
I did get better. But it took intention, reprogramming, gentleness, and time.
I’d prefer it if you avoided that process altogether.
None of us should live like this. There’s a reason that most developed countries have laws limiting employees to working 35-45 hours a week. We become unproductive and unhealthy without breaks.
Game development often pushes us to finish things now. To be perfect the first time, every time. Especially in the current climate of layoffs and studio closures, we may feel a persistent need to prove ourselves, to overachieve, give 100%, always.
We need to fight against this instinct.
Yes, we do need to show up and do our work, and we should take enough pride in ourselves and carry enough ambition to want to do our work well. But working needless overtime and putting extra pressure on ourselves? That tactic backfires every single time. We end up exhausted, scared, and sinking further into a maelstrom of shame.
What I’m saying is, if you’re reading this at work, first of all, good job for taking a short break to read an article instead of grinding yourself into dust, but also, please go outside. Have a snack. Take a walk in the park. And try to not work more than eight hours today.
You deserve it.
When you’re a lead, you need to be especially cognizant of your own limits because other people are relying on you.
I knew I wouldn’t be at my most creative this morning, so I only accepted one meeting before lunchtime. It was a meeting with my professional coach at 8:30 am. This meant that even if I woke up exhausted and depleted from travel and long days, I would need to get out of bed at a reasonable time. Then, I could address some of those concerns immediately and honestly with someone who would provide adequate support. Brilliant plan.
I spent the rest of my morning tackling small tasks that wouldn’t take up a lot of energy.
I responded to an email. Corrected an expense report item. Unpacked my backpack, but not my suitcase because that was too many things to process. Responded to another email. Reviewed a task for a report.
I admit that I did have a cup of mushroom coffee but I don’t think it made any difference. Tasted nice, though.
The zone was not within my grasp. But I knew it wouldn’t be. I’m not sure that it will be within my grasp at all today, but that’s okay! I’ve planned for it. I’m going to spend some time playtesting and reviewing work, then finish off my evening with some 1:1 meetings. I know that I’ll have the energy for this, and I shouldn’t have to cancel or disappoint anyone, including myself.
“But Emily, when will you do your deep work???”
Glad you asked. There’s zero deep work needed today. I’ve got a three-hour block on Monday. It can happen then.
“But EMILY… what if the need for deep work arises????”
Then that means as a director, I probably fucked something up, or didn’t see a task on the horizon. Surprises happen, sure, but it’s part of my job to anticipate those surprises. I genuinely don’t think there will be any today.
If I had set my calendar up with a dozen meetings, I’d be feeling like shit right now. Instead, I’m sitting in my library with my laptop on my desk, energetically working on my substack during my lunch break because I planned well.
The best productivity technique in the world has nothing to do with a fancy notebook or a focus hack… it’s being realistic with yourself.
Set reasonable, achievable goals. Keep a calendar that you know you can maintain, sustainably.
If you start your day looking at your daily schedule and feel immediately faint or anxious… then that isn’t the proper daily schedule for you.
If you finish your work day and have no energy or time left for your family, friends, hobbies, and self… then that isn’t the right schedule for you either.
The more you can acknowledge when you will have the mental space, physical ability, and focus available to complete tasks, the more likely it is that you will set realistic expectations, commit to the correct deadlines and work volumes, avoid shame spirals, maintain your mental health, and be able to, just maybe, enjoy your life.
Have a great weekend x
We don't get to see a lot of the mental gymnastics that some leads or directors go through, and, a newish lead myself (for a small team, so maybe it doesn't compare...), I empathize and maybe understand the responsibility, pressure, and expectations.
It is a skill in itself to learn how to balance work and life. Thank you for sharing!